Friday, 10 February 2012

Worrying Times

It has been a week since Sir and I had our first real fight, in that week I have said some truly regretful things. I can't take back what I said, I can't sugar coat what I said. and what I said will not just disappear into thing air. The last week I have been at my lowest in a long time, I was all ready on a downward spiral with the stress of work and my daughter, but they way I felt about what happened last Thursday night made it 100 times worse. 

We still haven't talked and cleared the air, we have sent text messages back and forward, nowhere near as many as normal and to me they seemed very strained, I am hoping over the weekend we can sit and talk about some very important issues we have never spoken about before, but things that need to be spoken about in a D/s or M/s relationship. My biggest fear this entire week is that I am going to lose Sir. I can't imagine my life without him, even though we have only been together a few months. I just can't imagine Him not being part of my life. I care very deeply for Him and would do almost anything to prove that. I thought I loved him, but now I am not so sure, after such a short time is it possible? Is there really such a thing as love? Or is it just extremely strong feelings? I don't have the answers tonight, I don't know if I will ever have the answers. Do any of us?

I am a little bit nervous about seeing Sir tomorrow night, because it will be the first time I have seen him since I caused the argument between us. Yes I deserve to be punished, believe me I have punished myself far more this week than anyone else could of, Sir has punished me, even if he doesn't realise it, but the lack of contact this week has been punishment enough for me, even if it hasn't been deliberate. I do not deal with being ignored at all well. I get an overwhelming feeling of being abandoned again and that is something I have just never been able to come to terms with. I doubt I ever will.

Current mood/feeling: Apprehensive

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