Falling Again?

I use to have a hole that I would fall into now and then, more often than not actually. Sometime in the not so distant past, in the last 6 months or so that hole was filled in and was long forgotten. I found a way of walking around the hole instead of stepping into it over and over. I found a peace within me that was long forgotten. I started to enjoy life again, it was great.

Each month I would look forward to the parties I would attend, even got to the point that I would start to think about what I was going to wear to the next party weeks in advance. At the last E_I party I had already decided what I would wear to the next one and went out the following Monday to buy the fabric. However as the weeks have gone by my interested has diminished, I had the fabric ready to sew, just needed to find the pattern and thread.

The party is just over a week away and today I had to force myself to go to textile traders at lunch time and get what I needed to make my costume. I now have everything needed except the inclination. Got home from work, traced the pattern with much effort and with greater effort cut the pattern pieces out. Fabric is still folded and in the box with the rest of my fabric, just can't be bothered. My get up and go has got up and gone.

Since Fridays MotG party I have been feeling out of whack, I am falling again, my hole while not as deep as it once was, is slowly but surely getting bigger. I have lost all enthusiasim for everything, am back to the don't give a fuck stage again. The can't be arsed staged. Can't be arsed with anything, can't be arsed going to work, can't be arsed with parties, can't be arsed with costumes, can't be arsed with people and most certainly can't be arsed with drama.

A comment was made about one of my pics on fet, "the look in my eyes says it all" ...... look into those eyes and tell me .... what is it that you see in them? I know what it is I see in them.

Madness Of The Gods

MotG is another fetish party run monthly here in Perth. The organiser does a fantastic job to create a friendly and safe environment for all in attendance. He also tries to include demonstrations into the evening for those that are new or curious. Everyone is also given the opportunity to try new or different things if they so wish.

Friday nights MotG Party is only the second one I have been to, the first beingi n November 2008, which is where I developed my love of needles.

I have few pics from Friday on the grounds that no cameras are allowed at the event, which is fair enough, a good way to protect peoples privacy.

Fridays needle play did not go as well as it normally does, I was extremly tense for some reason and the needles just did not want to go in. I did have a wonderful person use me as a pin cushion for the first time, his first time that is and I must say he did a great job. I get the feeling that once he gets a feel for the needles it is something he has the potential to become very talanted at. On the other hand the talented Master G had a great deal of trouble using me as a canvas as I was so tense, my muscles just would not relax therefore the needles did not slide as easy as they normally do.

So why was I so tense on Friday? I have a few theroies on that. Partly because of the extremely stressful week I had at work, partly because I had stepped out of my comfort zone and into unknown waters, the panic attacks rared their ugly heads again even if only minimal, and partyl because it was unfamiliar territory, unknown people and dome people I did not feel comfortable around.

Having said that I still had a fabulous night and look forward to the next MotG which I am already planning my costume for, and since the theme for the night is Military it shouldn't be to hard. Time to get the old collar dogs, hat badge and reg belt out if I can find it. YAYYY can't wait!!.

  Gypsy and Puppett Pre-Party

Gypsy, Master G and Puppett Pre-Party

Needles thanks to Master G, Photo thanks to Warped Photography

La La Land
Needles thanks to Master G
Photo Thanks to Warped Photography

May Munch 9 May 2009

Again another fun filled evening, enjoyed by many. The venue, the attendees, the host and the atmosphere were all fantastic as usual. No photos from this munch, just an evening filled with games of pool, good conversation, yummy pizza, drinks and a lot of laughter.

I did however have a conversation with one person where another person made an off handed comment to and about me that got me to thinking. Because of this conversation I have now started to take a long hard look at myself, both as a person and a submissive. If the comment is how one person views me I wonder how others view me, or IF indeed others view me in the same light as this one person. If it is in fact that others view me in the same light then perhaps it is time for me to re-evaluate myself. Maybe it is time for me to change, but then do I really want to change who I am just to suit a handful of people. The answer to that is easy ... it is a straight out NO! However if what was said is true then I do need to do something about it.

As I said I am now taking a long hard look at myself. I doubt I will change, I haven't had any similar comments from anyone else that knows me so perhaps it is just the hang up of this one person. I won't change to suit a handful of people, I will change to suit me if I believe I need to. I can, and will improve myself as much as I can. I strive to be the best I can be with what I have. I believe I can become a better person but still keep the parts of me that make me who I am. Improve myself while still being the fun, happy, cheeky and sometimes serious person I am. I will not change to be forever serious, I just can't do that. I like to have fun, and laugh with my friends. So to the person that made that comment about me I say, kiss my ass. If you can not accept me for who I am then I do not want nor need you in my life. I am the best person I can be at this point and time, and I know I will be the best submissive I can be to the person that finds me, that I choose to submit when ever that happens. I may not be everyones ideal view of a submissive, but to the right person I will be the ideal submissive..... end of story.

Nuff said!!

My new cuffs Master G made for me to wear to the last E_I party
(I now have a matching collar to wear to tomorrow nights Madness Party)

E_I Party 2 May 2009

New look Evil Intentions, the room was painted and the new feature wall was a huge hit, and also made a fantastic backdrop for pre party pics to be taken. Another fun night had by all who attended and there were a lot of attendees. It was great to see so many people there. I had several fantastic conversations with several different people. I am so enjoying getting to know all these different kinksters and their fetishes and in the process expanding my own kinks. Although it was a fantastic evening there were only a few pics taken but I still think they came out wonderfully.

New Evil Intentions feature wall

Puppett Pre-Party modelling the outfit I made for this party

 Trying the ropes for size

Gypsy and puppett pre-party

Puppetts needles with thanks to Master G

Gypsy and her delightful needles, the handy work of her Master, Master G