Sunday, 29 March 2009
Sunday, 22 March 2009
Another great night had by all that attended. It was also great to see so many new faces in the crowd, as well as catching up with some I hadn't seen for a while. I look forward to getting to know more and more people and developing some wonderful friendships as my journey continues.
Tuesday, 17 March 2009
Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. ~ Benjamin Disraeli
If you command wisely, you'll be obeyed cheerfully. ~ Thomas Fuller
Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear. ~ Winnie the Pooh
Sometimes I put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down. ~
Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. ~ Albert Camus
Only a life lived for others is worth living ~ Albert Einstein
Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end. ~
Actions speak louder than words ~
Be who you are, say what you want, because those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind ~
True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate her life, through devotion, to something beyond herself. ~
A good Dom tells, A mediocre Dom teaches, but a true Dom inspires ~
I'm becoming restless and feel in NEED of a Dominant in my life, but I am fussy, have been hurt, crushed and trampled on in the past so it is an almost impossible task to find exactly what I need. Or I should say, it has become almost impossible to open up to people, and to trust people enough to be able to find the one I need. My ideal partner would be, single, not to young, not to old, patient, caring, understanding, trustworthy, confident, honest, compatible with me, living in the same country, preferably same state. He would have self-control, wisdom, communication skills, the capacity to love, the desire to teach, compassion and a sense of humour.
How can I submit to someone who does not give me reason to trust him? Without confidence of his own how can he instill confidence in me? Self-control means just that; if he can’t control HIM then how can he control ME. He must be wise when using the knowledge he has gained. Being intelligent does not make a person wise. If there isn’t honesty there can’t be trust, if he can’t be honest with himself how can he be honest with me? He needs to be able to express his wants and needs to me in a way that I will fully understand, his instincts to comfort, protect and nurture speak to my heart, this is the kind of man I need in my life. He needs to practice what he preaches, teach by example, if he wants respect, he will show respect, if he wants loyalty he will be loyal, if he wants honesty he will be honest, he will also have patience. He will not chastise me for failing, he will help me over come obstacles, and he will help me become the best I can be. And he must have the ability to laugh at himself as well as with others.
And that my friends, is just the tip of the iceberg, so much more could be added and probably will be in the near future. I did say I was fussy, and well I refuse to settle for second best. Why should I when I deserve so much more.
She is likely beautiful, well-proportioned, and easily upset. She does not respond well to her Master's chiding, because it cuts her much deeper than he realizes. She is happy being told what to do, yes, but must have variety in order to be comfortable. She is likely to be outrageously flirtatious with her Master, but quiet and shy in public.
Sunday, 15 March 2009
I have come to the conclusion that I am more than likely not going to find what I need in my life, in this lifestyle (don't like that word), yet I can't turn my back on it either. It is not what I do, it is who I am, it is as much a part of me as my arms and legs. I would be lost without any one of them.
And I have made some wonderful friends that I can't leave behind. I have decided that since I am unable to walk away from the lifestyle completely, I am going to take a back bench for a while instead. Lurk in the shadows so to speak. I will still attend some events, but not all of them, at least for the time being. I'll work my way up to more/all of them one small step at a time. In short I will not be as active as I have been in the past.
There is a lot going on in my life right now and that is another reason I can't walk away from all of this, I have made some fantastic friends recently and I know with their help and support I can get through what I am going through and come out on top. And I want to get to know them all better. (yes all of you)
Because of everything I am dealing with at the moment I am feeling terribly lonely, yes I have friends, some I visit regularly, but I still feel terribly alone. Even when I am in their company. I'm becoming restless and feel in NEED of a Dominant in my life, but I am fussy, have been hurt, crushed and trampled on in the past so it is an almost impossible task to find exactly what I need. Or I should say, it has become almost impossible to open up to people, and to trust people enough to be able to find the one I need.
Although I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never find the right Dom for me, I will keep trudging along on my journey. I honestly don't believe the right one for me exsists. Let's face it, here in WA they are either partnered, to old, to young, fakes, wannabes, liers, dangerous, untrustworthy, or down right rude and arrogant.... I did say I was fussy, and well I refuse to settle for second best. As much as the thought scares the crap out of me, I would rather be alone for the rest of my life, than settle for second best.
Tuesday, 3 March 2009
Difficult to fathom and to be understood.
Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself.
Concerned about people's feelings.
Emotional, temperamental and unpredictable.
Moody and easily hurt.
Witty and sparkly.
Forgiving but never forgets.
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Sensitive and forms impressions carefully.
Caring and loving.
Treats others equally.
Strong sense of sympathy.
Wary and sharp.
Judges people through observations.
No difficulties in studying.
Guides others physically and mentally.
Monday, 2 March 2009
I was born in 1969, in Wanganui, New Zealand. Yep kiwi born and bred and proud of it! I am the youngest of four and am the mother of two teenagers, neither of which live with me. I moved to Perth, Western Australia on the 25th Feb 2006, with a suitcase full of clothes, a cabin bag full of photos and $2000NZD to my name. No job, no possessions, nothing. Starting again from scratch, and have no regrets with that. There are times that I think I would rather be back home, that is more often than not when I am at a real low point and am missing my wonderful friends back there. Why Perth? is a question I get asked a lot, in a nut shell, because everyone I know goes to the eastern states, because both of my children had decided to go and live with their fathers, because I was sitting around, wasting away doing nothing living off the government and I knew by moving to Australia I had to work as I wasn't entitled to government assistance. Because I wanted to make a better life for myself, because it is far enough away from my dysfunctional family while still being close enough for me to get to them in just a few hours in case of emergency, and because it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am honest, reliable, trustworthy, caring, loving, shy at first, over emotional and an extremely loyal friend. I can be cheeky, opinionated, pig headed, stubborn, unpredictable at times and more often than not, misunderstood. I suffer from Borderline personality disorder, but with the right people in my life I can over come that, or so I have been told. I am not the worlds most intelligent person, I learn by being shown how to do things and then doing them, rather than by reading and/or writing about something, and my communication skills are not the best. I often say things that make perfect sense to me but not to anyone else, I do not have the skills to deal with a lot of lifes hurdles, I put that down to the way I was raised. I get easily frustrated specially when trying to explain something to someone and not knowing how to express myself. A lot of people see it as anger directed at them, rather than what it actually is, personal frustration. I never hold a grudge for very long and when I get hurt, I hurt real bad. I don't trust easily, but once you do gain my trust I will generally trust you with my life. However if you break that trust, it will take an extremely long time to rebuild it. And yes it is possible to re-gain my trust if you lose it, depending on what you did to lose it in the first place.I like taking photos of anything and everything, I like craft work, I like most kinds of music, I like watching a good dvd, I like going for drives just to waste some time, I like the beach, I like going for walks in the bush, I like sitting beside a waterfall or stream just to get away from it all for a while, I like spending time with good friends, I like spending time alone. I don't like peas, mushrooms, capsicums, liers, unreliable people, crowds, feeling like I have done something wrong, being judged harshly by people that don't know me. I do not deal with being humiliated, abandonment, and being put down. There is so much more I can add to this list if I really stop and think about it, but right now I don't want to stop and think.
I first discovered BDSM about 5 or 6 years ago quite by accident. I went to visit a couple of friends that shared a house. When I got there they were both in chatrooms on Alt.com, I had never heard of it before and asked about it. I was given a very brief explanation but really didn't take to much notice, although it did spark some curiosity. When I got home I did a google search and so my journey began. I read numerous websites on the subject, found some great articles and blogs on submission and all of a sudden it made perfect sense. I finally discovered that I was not strange. I finally understood why I am like I am. I have always been a quiet and shy person (until I get to know people) who doesn't like to cause trouble and will do what ever I am asked.
As a kid I thought I was like that because I was scared, scared of the beating I would get if I did or said the wrong thing and sometimes when I didn't, scared of being yelled at, scared of being told how stupid I was, how useless I was, what a failure I was, how I would never be able to do anything right, how I should never have been born and how much I was unwanted. But reading this as I am typing, it is very highly likely that all of that is what made me the submissive I am and always have been.
My submission goes way beyond just play, and I won't go into great detail on the play aspect of BDSM as I have little experience with it. I love needle play, but that is a very recent thing over the past few months. I have in the past had some bad experiences with play sessions so tend to shy away from them as much as possible. For me submission is more about the control for want of a better word. And this is where I struggle to explain exactly what I mean, basically for me it is more about the psychological side of BDSM, I guess for me it is more about the D/s side of BDSM, but I still need a certain level of play also.
I don't need to get into a mind-set for my submission to kick in, it is just naturally there. I am by no means into pain, even though needle play is high on my list of things I enjoy. For me it is about the sense of completeness, the feeling of belonging, the feeling of safety, being given and obeying orders, I guess any "real lifestyler" will know exactly what I mean though. However in saying all of that, I will not jump to the commands of just anyone, more often than not if someone tells me to do something they will be told to kiss my skinny white arse. I am no ones slave, never have been and never will be. I will not fall to the floor and worship the ground you walk on until you can prove to me you are the right Dominant for me. For the right person I am very submissive and give all I have to give and then find some more to give.
If anyone wants to know any more about me than I have written here, then please feel free to send me a message on Fetlife. Be warned however, any disrespectful, degrading or down right rude messages will be ignored and deleted. I am to old to play stupid school yard games.
Another great night had by all that attended. It was also great to see a few new faces in the crowd, as well as catching up with some I hadn't seen for a while. It was also great to see people trying new things.