Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Falling Again?

I use to have a hole that I would fall into now and then, more often than not actually. Sometime in the not so distant past, in the last 6 months or so that hole was filled in and was long forgotten. I found a way of walking around the hole instead of stepping into it over and over. I found a peace within me that was long forgotten. I started to enjoy life again, it was great.

Each month I would look forward to the parties I would attend, even got to the point that I would start to think about what I was going to wear to the next party weeks in advance. At the last E_I party I had already decided what I would wear to the next one and went out the following Monday to buy the fabric. However as the weeks have gone by my interested has diminished, I had the fabric ready to sew, just needed to find the pattern and thread.

The party is just over a week away and today I had to force myself to go to textile traders at lunch time and get what I needed to make my costume. I now have everything needed except the inclination. Got home from work, traced the pattern with much effort and with greater effort cut the pattern pieces out. Fabric is still folded and in the box with the rest of my fabric, just can't be bothered. My get up and go has got up and gone.

Since Fridays MotG party I have been feeling out of whack, I am falling again, my hole while not as deep as it once was, is slowly but surely getting bigger. I have lost all enthusiasim for everything, am back to the don't give a fuck stage again. The can't be arsed staged. Can't be arsed with anything, can't be arsed going to work, can't be arsed with parties, can't be arsed with costumes, can't be arsed with people and most certainly can't be arsed with drama.

A comment was made about one of my pics on fet, "the look in my eyes says it all" ...... look into those eyes and tell me .... what is it that you see in them? I know what it is I see in them.

1 comment:

  1. I don't want to take you deeper, but what I see in those eyes is apathy. I would say that you may have something missing in your relationships, or possibly your biochemistry. It might not hurt to talk with a Dr. At the very least your partner, and see if either of you can recall what happened prior. When you went to having fun, and now back to having to deal with that hole... It might help. good Luck.