Sunday, 12 February 2012

Darkness Prevails

For some reason I have done a complete circle and come back to that dark hole in my life, there is a little light in it now, but only a very small glimmer.It all started 2 days after Miss Thing moved back from NZ, now I am in no way saying this hole is daughters fault, just timing really.

Things have been getting progressively worse, mainly at work and within my relationship. I am over stressed at work, and they have now decided to move me to another branch, I am less than happy with this, I would actually rather live on the street than be moved to where they are putting me. Stress is not something I deal with to well, in fact I don't deal with it at all.

My relationship took a serious hit last week, when I said something and we ended up in a big bitch fight via text message, that was not the start of it, that was basically what pushed me over the edge of my hole. I have felt Sir growing more and more distant from me for several weeks now and I am unsure what to do about it. Part of me is saying hang in there while another part of me is saying it is over. I don't want to believe the latter part of me. Sir came around last night after work, first time I have seen him in 2 weeks. We talked about what happened last week and why I reacted the way I did. Then we sat for a while and talk about life in general, work, kids, everyday stuff. After that, I cant even begin to say what took place, but I was in a happy place, I was contented once again, even for a little while. 

We only had 3 hours sleep before he had to get up and go back to work. I was shattered all day, I need at least 8 hours sleep to be able to fully function, even though I am running on an average of 6 hours a night at the moment. I went to lay down for a little while this afternoon and think about things, and woke up 3 hours later, very unlike me to fall asleep through the day, it messes with my night sleep.

I am still unsure where our  relationship is going, but hope to be able to sit down with Sir through the week and talk about it all. I know I have only seen a little percentage of what Sir is really like when it comes to lifestyle and I hope to see more, although I want to see more it scares me a little. Really just a  fear of the unknown.

Current feeling/mood: Shattered

RIP Baby Nephew - Peter Leigh 24/12/1992 - 10/2/1993 - Playing in Gods garden with his baby brother Marc Robert xxx

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