Sunday, 13 May 2012

I don't exsist

I meet a man, well sort of, have been chatting a man online for a while, so far he seems to be (almost) everything I have been looking for. Unfortunately he doesn't know I exsist apart from online chats.

I know my recent behaviour hasn't helped my cause, these stupid BPD episodes always screw things up. I need to take steps to get myself better. I need to learn the skills to stop my self-destructiveness.

All I really want is some one that is patient and understanding, someone Dominant, that can help calm me when something triggers me.

I am afraid my BPD will always be my undoing, because of it I will always be on my own. Because normal people don't understand, BPDers are to hard to handle, at least that is my perception of how others look at us.

Living with BPD is isolating, it is a very lonely life.

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