They say history never repeats, I say that is a lie, a big fat lie. History DOES repeat. I am going through the same thing I went through last year. It has finally done my head in, 3 am and I can't sleep I know the signs, seen them so many times in the past and they are in my face again. I can't sleep, can't eat, don't want anyone around me, I don't give a flying fuck about anything or anyone. I can not and will not have a relationship built on text messages, phone calls and the very rare visit, I can't do it. I won't do it. This is not fair on me, I deserve better. I'm sick of the tears and the heartache, I am sick of making excuses and lying when ever anyone asks me about my relationship. I feel like I don't even have a relationship. I once again find myself waiting around the house for a visit only to get a text message cancelling at the last minute, same thing I went through for 3 years I WILL NOT GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN EVER!!!!! Yes I am angry, yes I am pissed off, yes I am upset. I am sick of people fucking with my head. I really thought this time I would be able to prove people wrong, I would be able to show people that I can be happy, that I am worth the time and energy, that I can have a healthy and happy relationship. Guess I was wrong and they were right, I am worthless, I don't matter and I will never be happy. I hate all this and I want it to end, I can't do it anymore. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but this is not what I signed up for. I know family should always come first but fuck I have feelings to, I matter to, and I am sick of been stuffed in a closest and brushed aside like I don't matter and I don't have feelings.
I am HURT
I am ANGRY
I am DISAPPOINTED
I am UPSET
I am FRUSTRATED
This blog seems to have a theme to it of late, not what it was intended for but I can't help the way I feel.
NO MORE! I CAN NOT DO THIS AGAIN